Hey! It's Education Nation week at NBC News. Which means that Brian Williams and everyone else at NBC are pretending to care about education so they can get a ratings boost during a sweeps period. Here are some of the exciting Education Nation features you can look forward to seeing in the near future:
***Brian Williams will convene an expert panel of education experts who will expertly share their expert expertise on education. Panelists will include Bruce Springsteen, Bono, The Edge and Jon Bon Jovi.
***Susan Boyle and Jackie Evancho will sing the Education Nation theme song, assisted by the singing NYC construction worker.
***Brian will have an exclusive education-related interview with Will & Kate. (Note: At Nightly News, "exclusive" means that it may not actually be exclusive. This isn't really an interview--it's just a bunch of old Will & Kate sound bites cobbled together to make it seem like an interview.)
***Mary Thornberry will narrate a 10-part series about her harrowing escape across the Egyptian border into Education Nation as hordes of hostile illiterates stormed her door.
***Brian will show clips of himself showing clips of himself showing clips of himself showing clips of himself talking about education.
***One word: Carmageducation.
***Brian will interview Mishka the talking dog about education. Which is kind of weird because Mishka is, you know, a dog.
***Medal of Honor recipient Dakota Meyer will reveal his plans to become a New York City public school teacher.
***Maria Shriver will talk for hours and hours and maybe mention education, but maybe not.
***We will see a special report about the appropriateness of wearing flip-flops to school.
***Brian will work the word "McDonald's" into as many education stories as possible.
***Ann Curry will ask a hologram of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad about education reform in Iran before taking full credit for recently freeing the two imprisoned American hikers.
***Rehema Ellis will present an in-depth special report about unaccredited sham online-only universities like the University of Phoenix.
***Brian will show multiple clips of his questions to Republican presidential candidates from the 9/7 GOP debate he co-moderated, with every question newly dubbed so that it is now about education.
***A Lisa Myers special Education Nation investigative report: "The Ugly Truth Behind Finger Painting."
***Brian Williams Reports: What can our children learn from adorable videos of Pandas?