Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Brian's Suggestions

In case you somehow missed it, Brian Williams discovered last week that his Daily Nightly blog is read at the Pentagon. And he kvelled over the fact that the Air Force is implementing his suggestion to have Creole-speaking personnel on flights out of Haiti. But because of Brian's extreme modesty, he didn't mention the other suggestions he has made to the U.S. government and the U.S. military. Here are some of Brian's suggestions that we can expect to see implemented in the near future:

1) Bruce Springsteen's birthday will become a national holiday.
2) All Medal of Honor winners eat free at Denny's before 4 PM (some restrictions may apply--check with local franchises).
3) The FCC will declare that every American must watch a minimum of 100 hours of Olympic coverage. (Tune in to the XXI Winter Games from Vancouver beginning Feb. 12--only on NBC Universal stations!)
4) A Presidential Executive Order will officially decree that dogs are superior to cats.
5) A proposed Constitutional Amendment will, if ratified, require all Americans to Make A Difference at least once a week.
6) Hillary Clinton will appoint Tina Fey as the official U.S. Ambassador of Comedy.
7) Brian's Daily Nightly blog will be featured as a column in Stars & Stripes.
8) The FCC will mandate that Nielsen stop rating 10 PM shows until NBC can come up with some decent programming for that time slot.
9) The Joint Chiefs of Staff will appoint Brian as the music director for Armed Forces Radio.
10) By order of the Secretary of Transportation: Firefighters can cut to the front of the line at any Department of Motor Vehicles.
11) In a modest ceremony, the U.S. Supreme Court will officially recognize Brian as a Supreme Court buff. Brian will also be officially recognized as an aviation buff, a military history buff, a presidential history buff and an American car buff.
12) Locations from MTV's "Jersey Shore" will be added to the National Register of Historic Places.

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